21 January 2011

a review

i generally write my Year in Review much closer to the new year, but i suppose that's not the case with my review of 2010.

a year ago, when i wrote about 2009, i was overcome with sadness and shame. the result from that painful reflection was a newly birthed sense of determination. i was determined to rise above mediocrity and to regain a sense of dignity; a deserved dignity - not just an allusion of such.

2010 began with excitement, intermingled with a heaviness of heart. i was in the beginning of my exclusive relationship with jasson, which brought me so much joy, but i was fearful that it could crumble at any moment due to multiple conflicting factors - distance being the largest. i think we were both afraid. we also knew we had to try. so try we did. endless hours on the phone. always looking for a moment to video chat. text messages and emails and postcards and packages - anything possible to placate our longing for one another.

exclusivity turned into love and the stakes were raised. we were no longer trying to make a long distance relationship work; now we were searching for a means to be together. we both recognized the severity of our love. it was something very new and very unique. we were not completing one another, as some may say; rather, we were providing one another with an unknown sense of inspiration and growth. jasson made me better. i found myself to be very uninterested and disappointed in my former methods of entertainment; granted it was all a necessary process of growing up and learning.

i would have to say that a large theme of this year is the truth that necessity breeds invention. over and over again throughout 2010, i've learned and experienced moments of fruitfulness that were truly miraculous.

i believe 2010 deserves to be remembered as a year in which i learned the magnitude and power of love. mushy as it may be, love is the driving force by which i became - and continue to become - a mother i am proud to be. justice has become a joy of my life this year; no matter the amount of challenges and obstacles, i have had nothing but pride and excitement for being a mother in 2010. the same goes for jasson. our love developed with an intense fury, no matter the distance. we were apprehensive and cautious in some respects, but ultimately love won, creating an offspring of invention. we were brought together from across the country, stifling our fears and embracing the beautiful love we had chosen to create. we created a commitment that has transformed into a lifetime of adventure that we will now share - all widely within 2010, with a little bit of 2009 sprinkled in there.

if ever i felt there were any reasons to be cynical or ungrateful, those reasons have all been demolished as i have experienced the fruitfulness of love and miracles brought about by necessity.