11 December 2008

filing cabinet

i find lately that my life works primarily in compartments and lists and plans. i wonder how dangerous this may be. i wish not to be so structured and regimented. i love calendars and planners and stickies, to do lists, time blocks and and and. this seems to be an element of my character that is lately becoming more pronounced. sometimes i think i would like to be more flexible, more free spirited, but i wonder if life is now demanding me to be more grounded and defined.

i find myself envying those who come and go as they please, those who seize opportunities and squeeze the most out of every desire and whim.

envy - in my life - always displays itself through bitterness or anger. i seem to want to fasten my control, compartments, lists to those whose lives do not function in my same manner.

recognition is a bitch

now i must determine to display this character with a tone of love, to keep my envy, bitterness, wrath under wraps for the sake of loving god and loving others. i think this attribute of my character is necessary in that it aids in my daily function; however, i must be open to change. i must be sensitive to other personalities. i must never compartmentalize my life to a point of turning others to anger or bitterness.

may this be a lesson.